I don't know about you, but when I was little I often thought it would be so cool to be 25 years old. I just thought 25 year old people were just cool people, and their lives were probably fun and easy. Okay, so you can stop laughing now. I know, I know it is crazy that being little I would think this. I am not even sure what around me led me to believe this.
Well, I am 38 years old, and definitely know childhood beliefs are not always true. I love my life. I have an amazing husband. I have an amazing family. I have a great job. I have most everything I could ever want. Yet, God created in all of this a type of dissatisfaction with just coasting in life. He puts within us this desire to want more, more of Him, more of the dreams He has birthed in us. Each stage of life offering me something different to add on to the dreams He has placed inside me. It is very exciting to see what is around the corner. The waiting is hard, and many times harder is actually take that blind step of faith.
Lately, I have understood more adulthood is not always fun and not always easy. I have found myself on overload regarding decisions we need to make that are very important. Also, questioning if some of what is burning inside of me is requiring action now or down the road. I have found in this process I am more anxious than I realized, and noticed once again how much I fret over the uncertainty and the scariness of taking those steps of faith that are required to move forward.
The Scriptures that I have found myself meditating on and praying would be rooted deep in my heart and Spirit are 2 Samuel 22:2-51. I have found myself focusing most on verses 2-3;5-7; 17-20; 29-40. "The Lord IS my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God IS my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. he is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior from violent men you save me...."
I have been focusing on the descriptions of God in these verses, and questioning if I really live in these truths in my present life. I have believed God's Word, I know God's Word, but when the rubber meets the road do I trust it? I have found in the midst of my questions, my anxiety, my fear, my uncertainty God IS MY Rock. He IS MY Fortress!
I looked up the word Fortress and found this definition. Fortress: fortified; unbreakable; protection; shelter; rescue; never stops; a fortified place; a permanent fortification. My God is unbreakable regardless of the circumstances, tests, joys that lie ahead of me or in the present. My God is my permanent fortification. My God never stops rescuing me. My God is my protection and my shelter in the midst of decisions, stress, and all that adulthood brings. I find my escape in my Fortress. I find my rest in my Fortress.
I know what He has put in my heart, and I know the steps I need to take to experience that will be hard. They will challenge my trust and faith, but in the end I will be rejoicing. I will be rock solid because He is my Rock!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Who knows me?
I have never written or considered writing blogs. I have always found comfort and benefit in journaling my thoughts, and thought I would give blogging a try. So here it goes...
I have found myself asking a question the last year or so. Well, ever since moving to Indiana. I did not realize it is something my heart and spirit have been asking until here recently. The question is, "Who knows me?" "Who gets me, my heart?" In moving I left or moved away from some amazing friends and amazing people. It is something I have had to do often in my life, so I knew that God would set me in the right place with the right people.
I find myself in this season of my life crying out for someone to know me. Someone to get me. I am very satisfied in my husband knowing me, getting me. Yet I cry out for more, for friends to know me and to get me. I find this need to be great, yet I put up walls. I put the guard rails around my heart and thoughts that prevent them from knowing me. I revisit in my memory the friends I have had over the years that I have allowed to get to know me, and that did get me. I am so beyond grateful for these amazing women of God that will always be a part of my life from a distance due to geography. So I find myself meditating and reminding myself of the power of my favorite Scripture.
My favorite Scripture is Psalm 139. "O Lord, You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in---behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me....Where can I go from you Spirit? Where can I feel from your presence?...Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."
He sees my fears. He hears my cry. He has set me in this place, at this time, for this moment. I choose to walk by faith that He is putting things in motion to answer this cry for me. I am extremely thankful that I have a God who KNOWS me, and still wants to be my friend. I choose to trust God, and know in Him I can and will let down my guard.
Father God,
I choose to believe You have people lined up for me to experience great friendships with here in Indiana. I don't know how these friendships will form, or who they will be. Yet I know you are faithful, and You have heard the cry of my heart. You know my humor, my heart, my passion, my weaknesses, and who would be the people who could and would add to my life. Help me to be able to be the friend, the addition to others' lives too.
I have found myself asking a question the last year or so. Well, ever since moving to Indiana. I did not realize it is something my heart and spirit have been asking until here recently. The question is, "Who knows me?" "Who gets me, my heart?" In moving I left or moved away from some amazing friends and amazing people. It is something I have had to do often in my life, so I knew that God would set me in the right place with the right people.
I find myself in this season of my life crying out for someone to know me. Someone to get me. I am very satisfied in my husband knowing me, getting me. Yet I cry out for more, for friends to know me and to get me. I find this need to be great, yet I put up walls. I put the guard rails around my heart and thoughts that prevent them from knowing me. I revisit in my memory the friends I have had over the years that I have allowed to get to know me, and that did get me. I am so beyond grateful for these amazing women of God that will always be a part of my life from a distance due to geography. So I find myself meditating and reminding myself of the power of my favorite Scripture.
My favorite Scripture is Psalm 139. "O Lord, You have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord. You hem me in---behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me....Where can I go from you Spirit? Where can I feel from your presence?...Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting."
He sees my fears. He hears my cry. He has set me in this place, at this time, for this moment. I choose to walk by faith that He is putting things in motion to answer this cry for me. I am extremely thankful that I have a God who KNOWS me, and still wants to be my friend. I choose to trust God, and know in Him I can and will let down my guard.
Father God,
I choose to believe You have people lined up for me to experience great friendships with here in Indiana. I don't know how these friendships will form, or who they will be. Yet I know you are faithful, and You have heard the cry of my heart. You know my humor, my heart, my passion, my weaknesses, and who would be the people who could and would add to my life. Help me to be able to be the friend, the addition to others' lives too.
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